see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize