found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
