I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
