The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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