An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
