i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
