Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
