Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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