Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
