'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
