dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
