and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
