I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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