It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
