I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my shit smells like andre
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
