Swine flu. Run for my life!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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