I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
