does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
