Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
