I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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