I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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