Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
