i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
