ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
