Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
