We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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