We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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