I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
