I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
