Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
