Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
