I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
