True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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