I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
