The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
