i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
