Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The air was thick with penises
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
