You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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