Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize