Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize