I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
