Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
