What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
