Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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