I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
