hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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