Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
