when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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