Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
