After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
