I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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