got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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