I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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