My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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