i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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