Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize