just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
