I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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