im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
