You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
