i permit you to call me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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