She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
