And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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