I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
vagina is talking i cant
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
