shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
