In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
